Lemons of life

Ruth Senter said, "Life varies its stories. Time changes everything, yet what is truly valuable - what is worth keeping - is beyond time".

I know I'm getting old, but beyond just thinking like an old fart (which I like to believe I'm not), I've also started to see the wisdom of looking at life beyond a season or two.

In the busyness of restarting work in the latter half of 2014, I've gone to countries to do business trips, settled a couple of events, and also found myself up to the neck in personal administrative matters because I chose to buy an apartment and now have to deal with the complicated, tedious affairs of renovations.

Coming daily to work in this new workplace, I barely have any strength to do reflections because the administrative mind goes all over the place as I need to catch up with knowing what to do, I also need to play the role of a boss as I map out the directions and guide in the implementation matters.

The only personal holiday I've taken so far was my annual commitments of the Rangers camp, some 2 weeks ago. The camp was fine, but it was the conversations that I had that brought me to a place where I never imagined I would have gone. As I talked through with individuals from another church on the matters that has riled them, the conversation eventually turned to sour and unhappy points of what is transpiring in church that is also affecting life as a whole.

As I look back at this year, I cannot but sometimes feel sourish over the lemon-ish moments. A touch of sour, a tinge of bitter happens when I choose to look at the no-job-news-moments, no-discipline-to-recharge, idiots-of-workplace, church-annoyance-moments. However, I know myself than to be sucked in by all the matters that rob me of my joy. 

Proverbs 4:23 says, "Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." It may be a busy year, it may be a challenging year, it may well be the worst year. But let not the lemons of life make life sour, because life is worth more living than to live it outside of God's joy.

M.

Fill me with gladness

Psalms 4:7-8
Fill my heart with joy when their grain and new wine abound. In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.

There was a time in the past weeks that I was lamenting and whining about work in the new place. Any question  about how was work resulted in negative comments.

As I walked home, it dawned upon me that I was given 2 roles to choose from and I made a conscious decision to select this role and therefore, I should not lament because it would make me ungrateful and be in a bitter spirit against God.

It dawned upon me that day that the heart is truly fickle and when emotions sway, it is so easy to be discontented. How important is it to be filled with gladness from God because we need to always remember that the author and creator is good, and always good.

M.

Created to do good works

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I've been at the new workplace for 6 weeks and boy has it been a very tough affair to adapt back to the regular-sleep-early-wake up routine, plus the need to get back to work and deal with idiotic situations constantly drive me up the wall.

As various work situations grieve or frustrate me, I can't help but start to realise my tone is rising in annoyance as the days go by.

Today as I read this verse, I'm reminded that it's more than just do work. There's an important need to remember that in everything we are created to do, in Christ Jesus we are to do good works. 

M.

 

The end of a phase

Psalms 138:8
The Lord will vindicate me; your love, Lord, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands.

Tomorrow, I end my long 6 months phase of unemployment and go back to work with a new job. As I close this chapter of my life, it ended on such a momentus high because I was able to witness the hand of God as He instrumented all the key pieces of the puzzle that means the world to me.

As I look back at the last 3 weeks, I'm wowed by the fact that I ended this phase with such pleasant memories.

I had the sister's car and spent 1 week driving my godson home. During this time, I also spent 2 saturday dinners with KaiFeng and JingWen after my saturday ministry - time well spent because I was able to hear from them on their mission trip experiences and their positive encounters.

Then, I was able to commit full amounts of time to working with Kaifeng to plan the camp and settle the nitty gritty aspects of the admin and logistics. To have time to be in the PowWow camp was momentus because everything went incredible well and God was marvellous as He ministered to all and also opened the lives of 3 new kids who found salvation.

Straight after this, I went with my RKs for a sunday waterplay outing. Then, it was back home to pack and I left for a wonderful holiday in Hanoi, crossing off one of the bucket list places that I wanted to visit.

Today, my last non working day, I'm off to have lunch with an ex-colleague who has been instrumental in my last 5 years of career and I'll end it off a birthday dinner with the oldest of my RA. Life is awesome as I reflect of how the last few moments of this phase comes to an end.

Yet, it hasn't always been so smooth or wonderful.  In the worst days of the uncertain days where I applied for tons of jobs and got no replies, I could not but feel bitter and upset with what had happened to me. However, what was certain was the important things and people of my life were not taken away and how God continually was there for me, even when I felt so emotionally despondant.

God never lets go of our hands, nor does He abandon the work of His hand. If there's anything I have gathered from this phase, I've learned to understand that because He endures forever and chronos time is immaterial to a God of eternity, His ways will be accomplished in His kairos time and that will always be perfect as we see His vindication.

M.  


 

Still need to do our part

Genesis 17:1-2
When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to him and said, “I am God Almighty; walk before me faithfully and be blameless. Then I will make my covenant between me and you and will greatly increase your numbers.”

Started the morning with a bad news sms from my disciple who failed his driving test for the third time. Apparently, he was told that he wasn't checking the blind spots before he moved, and the former tester had also penalised him on the same point. The issue, however, is the testee was doing what was required, but was not seen by the testor.

So, since it was the 3rd failure, it's a rather angsty feeling. I can fully understand, having failed my driving test before and well knowing that it's really stupid to be penalised for something that was not seen or captured by the testor. Afterall, we can't be possibly shouting out what we're doing in order to inform the testor, especially when the testor is not always paying attention and penalises based on what he perceieves is done/not done.
 In the sms correspondence, I was trying to provide a reasonable explanation for the driving test failure, and I typed; we sometimes need to be seen doing what is required because we cannot just not do and expect God's favour to be on us.

I don't really think it's a biblical fact that I stated, but I do feel that sometimes as we deal with people, we must undertake some deliberate actions that would allow others see that we are doing what they want. In the working world, it's what perceived that is done that is above what is done but not seen.

Fortunately, God isn't like a driving testor. He'll never mark us down for something we did, but was not seen by Him. He's always in the know of what we do. However, when I look at His instructions of blessings to Abram, I realise that for God's covenant to be fulfilled, we have to first undertake what He expects. Not on our terms and expect God's favour to fall like free rain.

M.

Help me overcome my unbelief!

Mark 9:21-24
Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”
“From childhood,” he answered. “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
“‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

I can almost see the incredulous look of Jesus when he states "if you can?" to the father of the boy who is possessed by the impure spirit.

How tragic is it to have a child possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech, and frequently attempts to kill the child. I cannot imagine how miserable life would be for the family.

Yet, this is such a huge (HUGE!), complex situation that one can only understand how nothing short of a miracle from God can provide the required deliverance. Who on earth can comfort the father or guarantee a solution when neither medical science nor the priests/disciples could do anything.

It's very human for anyone of us to see life in the impossibilities, as opposed to believe in bold faith. But Perhaps we don't have to have bold faith, because as seen in this example, we only need to look to God to say, I believe but I need help to overcome my weak belief of you.

I must share, that in this last few days, I've constantly prayed like the father because I sense that this jobless journey is ending soon. Yet, because I'm not sure 100% if this is just some positive thinking of my own mind, I'm always troubled with being too optimistic. In fact, I struggle with even trying to claim in faith because I tell myself not to count the eggs before they hatch - for one, I haven't even had a phone call for an interview and my job applications have stopped in the last 2 weeks!

Still, with a sense in me, errorneous or not (time will only tell), I know deliverance from this jobless state will come from God. So with the troubled mind of faith and doubt, I've learned how to weakly state Lord, I believe, but help my unbelief. 


The God of all, is Lord of all.
M.
 

We may see but not understand

Mark 8: 17-21
Jesus asked them: “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?” “Twelve,” they replied.“And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?” They answered, “Seven.”
He said to them, “Do you still not understand?”

Yesterday, as I read this story in Mark 8, it dawned upon me that Mark records both the feeding of the 5000 and 4000! Somehow, I always felt (wrongly I know) that they were the same story, just different interpretations from different authors of the gospels.

What's astounding to a casual reader would be the response of the disciples during the feeding of the 4000. Since this happened after the feeding of the 5000, and given Jesus' short 3.5 years ministry, surely the disciples would have remembered how Jesus was able to miraculously provide food using 5 small barely loaves and 2 fish. Yet, it was not so when the incident happens. Somehow, having experienced the great miracle once, they failed to grasp that Jesus can likewise continue to do the same miracle for the 4000.

Now, after reading the verses, it dawned upon me that I'm no better than the disciples. For all the lack of faith or blindness that I can point out of the disciples, I can likewise spot the same issue in my life. 

In 1999, I waited for 1 year for God to provide me with a job. It was a year of waiting in fear as the dot.com bubble busted. From a period of waiting, it became panic as the months passed 6 months. However, all went well when I found myself employed in a job that eventually got me directed me to pursue my love for marketing. Similarly, in today's context, having lost my job, and applying for tons of jobs over the past 4 months, I'm faced with a situation where I have replies and still am wondering what is happening. Days like today, I have no appointments so I end up stoning at home and can say it does drive me nuts as I ponder of why my life is turning out like this. (whining moments of life)

How very feeble and small minded for us to have such a weak grasp of God's godliness. Yet, how good is God to not get frustrated and give up on us even when we don't see to understand that He is always more than able.

You see, the God who fed the 5000, also fed the 4000 with excess to spare. Excess that I believed pointed to His abundance. Somedays we really need to cry out, Lord help my unbelief!

He is more than able, amen.
M.