Trusting that God will make all things right.

Serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next. 

Yesterday marked the third month of my employment loss and it was significant to me because it also meant that my salary in lieu ended. I would now be living off my savings.

I always thought it would be fine and dandy since I've prepared myself to have tons of savings for wet-weather days. However, what I felt yesterday was the reality of "no more money coming in" and that made me feel sucky. It is hard to explain how it feels to have your identity and surety shaken when the income stops, but the saver in me was feeling very crippled.

Now, when one part of the brain starts getting affected, the psyche goes after a while. I was rather taken aback at how I came back after a breakfast meeting to feel sullen and down because I find time clicking away and a lack of vision of where I was in the dark tunnel. (what happened to that confident person 3 years ago who was preparing for retrenchment by going to South America for a break?)

I really have no idea how long this employment 'drought' is going to be, and I've so many concerns that are not fun to have in my head. Like, what happens if I desperately accept a role in a new shitty place, or find myself out-dated and having to receive a paycut! The thoughts are in abundance and no lack that it is really not funny. 

Somehow, I chanced upon the Serenity prayer today and finally saw the full version and for once, I realised that in surrender to God will I find my happiness. So, out goes the fear, the uncertainties, the paranoia, the thousand of thoughts that this planning brain is capable of. (If only I can numb myself via an induced thought coma drug)

All will be well because God is with me, always. Oh! He's also there for you as He hangs around me. :)
M.