A reminder.

1 Thessalonians 4:16
For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.

Yesterday, I visited the Tulipmania event in Garden's by the Bay. 

As I look at all the pics of tulips that I took, I recall a conversation I had a year ago with Evelyn. She had just gone there and was marvelling at how amazing the conservatory was and how she had an annual pass and planned to go there regularly once she came out of her cancer treatment. I recall asking her via sms if that pass was something I could borrow so I could go in for free and of course, her quick answer was "no! just go and pay for yourself lah!". 

As I wandered around the tulips yesterday, someone mentioned, someday in heaven it'll be like that, cool weather, beautiful flora and fauna.  Paradise will simply be paradise.

It is almost a year ago, but because her facebook page shows her in the midst of the tulips, the fact that she was there amongst the tulips will always be immortalised. As I look at the pics of tulips that I took, boy does it affect me because I associate it with her and her love for what she saw last year. I can't help but realise that I miss her and the oft funny moments of blunt frank conversations we had.

Losing Evelyn was a big event to me last year. Simply because I lost her as I was in Taiwan on a business trip and was slogging myself amidst the news that she was in critical condition, and then to find out that she has passed away. After a full day that saw me through full meetings and a visit to the baseball event, I finally reached my hotel room of the president hotel, taipei and broke down.

There are days in my jobless phase that I wonder why the past 1 year has been so tough. As if losing lives was not hard enough, somedays I feel so defeated for being in a listless stage. Yet, I'm reminded that this is but a temporary phase of life. Someday, the Lord will return and take us back to paradise and we will get to meet all who had gone before us.

Eve, I assume heaven has many nicer flowers that you are enjoying now, but this I took is for you. Until the day we meet, I must always remind myself to live the days of my life well lest I get scolded by you someday.

M.

Illogical to me

John 9:1-3
As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” 
“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.

Sometimes, we never really know why things happen to us the way it does. What seems illogical is when there is no cause and effect, or when bad things happen to regular folks who do not seem to deserve what life throws at them.

We can scratch our heads and ponder all day long, but things just happen as God decrees. This does not mean that God dictates tragedies to be in people's lives as He would deem it like a game. In His sovereignty, our minds cannot fanthom why things happen. But, one can rest assured that nothing happens without God knowing or His purpose being doubted.

In all the bad and horrid matters that life can throw at us, God is always with us. Yes, that even includes the tempests of bad news, the stillness of a stagnant moment or in the pains of physical ailments. God may never grant us the full picture of why things happen, but know that if we trust Him to work in our life, what is displayed in our life will always show that God is God almighty of our lives.

M. 

Be clear about what God promised.

Genesis 15:2-4
But Abram said, “Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?” And Abram said, “You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.” Then the word of the Lord came to him: “This man will not be your heir, but a son who is your own flesh and blood will be your heir.”

Genesis 16:1-4
Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.” Abram agreed to what Sarai said. So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian slave Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. He slept with Hagar, and she conceived.

I never realised that Abram had only heard directly the details of him having a son through Sarai after he had agreed to take Hagar as his concubine and she conceived Ismael. He was 86 years old when Ismael was born.

The right lineage that God wanted to bless Abram was through his union with Sarai, not Hagar.

As I trawled through the various chapters of Genesis to make sense of the timelines of actions, I only realised that it was very interesting to see that much earlier, God had revealed to Abram that he would be blessed with a heir. However, there wasn't any accurate details of how the heir would be birth from, until much later when Abram was 99 years old.

The key I realised it when God promised Abram of a heir of his own flesh and blood, he should have realised it would be a perfect promise. The heir would naturally come from his union with Sarai. However, how easy it is for us to not trevail before God for the promises He had spoken to us. In a moment of folly, Abram made a grave mistake by using human logic and accepting Sarai good intentions.

I can fully attest to how in a moment of waiting for awhile, the restlessness will kick in and suddenly, we'll do anything and everything that seems humanly logical. Therefore, to see the example of Abram is of great reminder to me even as I live through the current phase of waiting for God's provision of a job.

When I was in the early stages of my job loss, with high levels of faith, I knew that this would be the greatest thing that had happened to me. It would not be a troubling time, but one which I knew God had allowed in my life. Therefore, it was going to be purposeful.

However, as time ticked and the salary disappeared, and all the interesting jobs that I yeared for never materialised, I'm suddenly in a 4 month slump. The past interviews made me realised that I'm now willing to settle for less. Compromise is starting to be the name of the game so long as I am able to get started with work. What a different change of confidence and character when the spirit is unnerved by how life ticks by.

Today, before I leave for a short holiday in Bangkok. I found myself staring at some job postings and wanting to spam them with my resume. Even though I'm not 80% satisfied with what the role is about, I almost wanted to apply for it and hope for some form of response by next week. Such is the desperation of the moment that I would be willing to suffer should I get these as my next job. Afterall, I told myself, that I've already applied for the seemingly ideal ones and there wasn't any replies. Why be picky and stubborn.

I only stopped myself because something in me made me want to find out how Ismael was created. As I read and understood the scenario, I now know better. If God made a promise, even if it's high level without the nitty gritty facts, it's key for us to trevail before Him so we can see His promise come to pass. Not use what our minds, what good intentions that is told by others.

His ways are the best, and would also cause the least issues for us in the future. Surely, we must believe that if this good God created the earth with all the amazing intricacies of creation, He can and will do a great work in our lives. Afterall, we are created in His image and placed just below the heavenly.

So, I'm stopping all these non-ideal applications, I'm going to go to Bangkok to enjoy myself with Daniel. But I'm also going to trevail in prayers to see God's promise for my job materialise eventually. If He told me to "stand still and wait and see", I should really entrust my fears and hopes to Him.

M.
 
 

Feeble hands strengthened

Isaiah 35:3
Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way

The glory and splendor of God will  provide strength to feeble hands and will make wobbly knees stready. This is because God provides the super natural to our frail human conditions.

We are often so easily defeated by all we see and experience in life. I know because today, I went for another interview and as time ticked, I was informed that there was no perfect fit given my lack of experience in one crucial requirement that they needed.

Just one closed door and my spirit crumbles. Well, not just one closed door, it was a door that I was hoping for because the three months I've gone through  in the start of the year seems to yield no success as time goes by.

It's so easy to look at anything laid before and think that it would be the opened, promise door. Yet, when it isn't, it's incredibly discouraging to look at the empty beyond. 

However, for such a time like this, it is important to behold the promise that God will come to save as He did for His people of the days long ago.

The greatest honour is to someday be able to witness God at work, restoring and redeeming us from our current life crisis. God be praised.

M.

Treasure inside us

2 Corinthians 4:7
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

As I reflect on this verse, I realise how little I cherish of what God has placed in me the moment I made the choice to recieve my salvation in Jesus Christ.


I'm amazed at the boldness of how Paul states the fact that though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. This is really becuase the all-surpassing power of God lives in us and we need to only recognise and accept in faith.

How easy it is for us to get emotional, weak and affected by all that our eyes see, our bodies feel, and what our mind says. For the God who creates us is always perceived in our limited understanding. Some call it spiritual anemia where we forget that God is God and we arrogantly expect God to be there to do our bidding, answer our prayers and to bless us. It is one thing to recognise that God is in us and another to put God as a being who goes before us just to make our life smooth.

What good is the treasure inside us if God is not glorified? Enough of mediocrity and living life in an uneventful mode. Surely, you and I can start to see that God has given us the power to impact the lives of others around us.

M. 

Trusting that God will make all things right.

Serenity prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next. 

Yesterday marked the third month of my employment loss and it was significant to me because it also meant that my salary in lieu ended. I would now be living off my savings.

I always thought it would be fine and dandy since I've prepared myself to have tons of savings for wet-weather days. However, what I felt yesterday was the reality of "no more money coming in" and that made me feel sucky. It is hard to explain how it feels to have your identity and surety shaken when the income stops, but the saver in me was feeling very crippled.

Now, when one part of the brain starts getting affected, the psyche goes after a while. I was rather taken aback at how I came back after a breakfast meeting to feel sullen and down because I find time clicking away and a lack of vision of where I was in the dark tunnel. (what happened to that confident person 3 years ago who was preparing for retrenchment by going to South America for a break?)

I really have no idea how long this employment 'drought' is going to be, and I've so many concerns that are not fun to have in my head. Like, what happens if I desperately accept a role in a new shitty place, or find myself out-dated and having to receive a paycut! The thoughts are in abundance and no lack that it is really not funny. 

Somehow, I chanced upon the Serenity prayer today and finally saw the full version and for once, I realised that in surrender to God will I find my happiness. So, out goes the fear, the uncertainties, the paranoia, the thousand of thoughts that this planning brain is capable of. (If only I can numb myself via an induced thought coma drug)

All will be well because God is with me, always. Oh! He's also there for you as He hangs around me. :)
M.   

What's God's way?

Isaiah 55:8-9
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. 

Even as I sit at my dining table waiting for my instant noodle to cook (takes minutes to boil a laksa la mian, not a 2 sec pour hot water cup noodle) , I've literally waiting for someone to call me so I can eventually go for an interview and possibly secure the job that God will grant me.

In the past hours, I've gone through a short talk with God because there was a particular job that my friend had sent me, but I'm not keen to pursue. It's quite funny to state to God, "can you give me something better, as this really isn't what I want. So, i'm not applying for it ok, because I know you surely know me better to give me what I thrive in - just I hope it's fast coz the salary stops by mid this month"

I don't know if you know this, but we human are generally very dense. (ok, maybe not you if you don't feel so. At least I know it applies to me) Given the incredible sight of the universe and what we witness of God's hand of creation, we can still fail to grasp the fact that God is above all our fears.It's so easy to waver in fear, to feel afraid that our lives are not living according to expectations, we're unpaid, we're losing out. Yet, nothing can be further from the truth because the same God who calmed the storm in 1 breadth, raised the dead, stopped the sun and moon from moving, is in absolute control of the plans of our life. 

As I make great efforts to reflect on the bigness of God, it always gives me strength because I remember that God's way is complex and yet, the best for His children. Time, man's ideas, the world has nothing that stands in His way.

For the time that we wait, seeming in vain, it's because God does not want us to proceed on. His thoughts are for us and therefore, He'll continue to release the grace and strength needed for us to release our doubts to Him and yes, the day will come when we see the God given solution.

M.