Sufficient grace

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

This was the verse given to me in a birthday card by my mentoree. It means much, and yet it is so difficult to acknowledge in the season of life. If only my mentoree knew how I struggle with the acceptance of this verses in the season of my life.

To find God's grace sufficient as I go through the weakness that life brings is something everyone wants. But, to face the fact that I'm weak and to accept God's grace to be sufficient is always such a challenge. Sufficient is just enough, all that is needed. However in weakness of body, mind and strength, I don't need just enough of God's grace to pull me through. I want more than sufficient, I want overflowing so I no longer feel weak.

I worry alot more and the white hairs on my head and seemingly permanently eyebags are showing.  I worry because apart from the two Christophers that I never have to worry about, my other RAs aren't heading anywhere and there's nothing I can do. Then, there are the ones who are hurting and I cannot do anything nor talk to them about it and a part of me hurts in great pain because I cannot do anything to help. Doesn't help that even the adults that I interact with are all going through trying times and all I hear is painful bad news that I cannot do anything to help.  I wished I knew how to numb pain when you see others doing badly, so I don't have to live with a troubled spirit and forge on in whatever I can.

I know that the verse given to me for definately to fill that need in me. Sufficient grace from God. Oh that I will delight in it gladly as the apostle Paul did.  God, still I will say to my innerman- You reign.

M.

Today, my day.

Genesis 24:42

When I came to the spring today, I said, ‘LORD, God of my master Abraham, if you will, please grant success to the journey on which I have come.

Happy birthday to me. No grandiose celebration, no need for a song and dance, but just a simple day. A few text from individuals who actually remembered, a long meeting that stretched through the day, a sincere gift from a colleague who treasures me, a chocolate cake that I asked my secretary to order and importantly, I'll get to go home and have my jog with headphones on so I can spend time with God.

It's quite anti-social of my but I specially blocked off the day so I don't have to force a smile or have to go through much fun-fare with others that could possibly make me fatter and even more tired. Even if it meant telling the family that I don't wanna go out for a special dinner, that makes for even more awkward night since we don't really bond socially well together - haha...

All I really need is a special moment with God because I too would like to say the words that Abraham's servant said. That I would be granted success to the journey on which I have come and for once in a long while, to have my birthday wish granted. 

M.