Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!".
"Here I am," he replied.
Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."
Isaiah 6:8
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
I've learnt that these 3 words "Here I am" when spoken to God, are really 'dangerous' words to say. They allow for a binding covenant of commitment on our part as we avail ourselves fully to God's purpose, pleasure and programmes.
Early this year there was an opportunity for me to do a 14 day mission trip to Philippines with the graduating batch of Rangers. Unfortunately, it was also one of the worst times of my career as the company had undergone restructuring and people were leaving in droves resulting in my work portfolio expanding exponentially.
But, this was a mission trip which I knew I had to do, simply because it I envisioned a promise of how God would awesomely use the giftings and talents of each of those graduating Rangers. I'm never a sucker for hardships and the dirt, dust and grime of underdeveloped countries simply irks me to the bone. But beyond all these physical discomforts, it was simply too compelling to ignore that powerful vision of a generation which would go to Cebu to bless.
It didn't help that immediately after this mission trip, I had already committed, some 6 months ago, to attend a wedding in Japan and would result in me disappearing from work for some 3 1/2 weeks. What didn't help was the fact that I only had leave for 2 1/2 weeks and would require additional days of no-pay leave in order to do Cebu & Japan.
Even before I got my leave approved, I booked my return flight to Cebu and Japan, simply because the promotional fares was of a limited time period. To illustrate the crux I was in, I realised that there was only 1 last promotional seat for me to leave for Japan and if I didn't book it, I would be faced with a situation of dates clashing with the already paid mission trip and then having to also pay an exorbitant price to fly to Japan to attend the wedding.
The cherry on top of this overly dramatic situation was when my only colleague tendered her resignation, even before I could submit my leave form. This meant I was the only person left in office to deal with 5 people's work and the work pressure then was sheer madness. This clearly meant I couldn't be away for Mission and Japan and the entire Mission Trip would be doomed because you simply couldn't expect parents of the five 19 year olds permitting their children to go to Philippines without any adult supervision.
In the midst of all this melodrama, I stuck with my decision and told my boss that I would be taking leave & no-pay for that period, failing which I would have to tender my resignation because everything had been planned out and there was no turning back. It may sound high handed to issue out an "approve my leave or I quit" statement, but I assure you that it was also one of the most difficult decision which I struggled with. Having worked for a good 5 +years, I was due for my managerial promotion, without which, I would not be able to proceed on career-wise and quitting would simply result in an extreme loss-loss situation of no job, no money, no future. (never mind that my God fearing parents would simply freak out if I tell them the reason why I needed to quit and would never buy the fact that I was just following God's prompting to go Missions.) It reached a really despondent state where all I could do was to stare at a loser future brimming with unfairness because I was going against human logic just to bring 5 teens out for a mission trip.
The very day which I sent out my email informing of my intentions to submit a 3 1/2 week leave and no-pay leave, I recall sighing in loss and adopting a come-what-may attitude of resignation . Whatever the tsunamis of life brings: be it the poverty of being unemployed or having to apply for a lowly ranked job with a pay cut, I just knew there was nothing else I could have done differently. I awaited for a reply, but nothing came. The very next day, as I submitted the leave form, I awaited the bad news of rejection but it never came. Instead what I received was a gentle answer of approval by signature. The rest is history. (I went for an awesome trip to Cebu and even more incredible time in Mindanao, I returned and left the next day for Japan, witnessed Sakura's flowering in Tokyo and snow falling in Hokkaido. When I returned to work, I received my promotion. ((Note: When I returned to work, it was also the worst and most stressful and frustrating time of my life coupled with a nightmarish hair-loss condition))
Just when I thought life's melodrama was limited to myself, lo and behold, history would repeat itself because for the December's batch of Rangers who are leaving for their pioneering mission trip to Philippines, we also encountered a similiar crisis. Having booked the promotional fares, my fellow Rangers commander also required to take a combination of leave and no-pay leave, but because there was a major project submission dateline, and his fellow pregnant colleague was also due for her maternity leave, there was simply no way for his boss to approve his leave without having a dramatic situation of project submission - without anyone doing the job!
After talking with his boss, he realised that there was no way for his leave to be approved and his boss clearly told thim that the only available step was to resign in order to proceed with the mission trip. I was extremely concerned because the issue of the loss-loss situation of no job, no money, no future and his non-beliver's parents' going totally ballistic. With non-beliver parents, this sacrifice was even going to be more painful for him than it was for me.
The day he submitted his resignation, his boss surprised him by rejecting his letter and approving the absence from work, in spite of what the boss had stated earlier. I strongly believe that when the December batch of Rangers missionaries leaves for Philippines, it'll be an awesome trip for him and the rest, simply because of the obedience and willingness shown to make any sacrifice to see the tasks of God come to fruition.
When I reflect at the two verses above, I see that before the Almighty God, Abraham and Isaiah made a tough life-changing decision to avail themselves to the bidding and instructions of God. Abraham left everything in faith to enter a land he had not seen, and was now called to sacrifice his only son - Isaac. Likewise Isaiah who availed himself to be used as God's vocal piece. All his life, Isaiah lived dedicated to prophesy, plea and instruct the people of God that they may have hope in the Lord.
Neither of these bible characters had an easy life. After they confessed "Here I am", their willingness and obedience were taken to task. All that they encountered were not easy pickings, but here I realise that they willingly sacrifice without looking back because time and again, the grace of God always prevailed in their lives. When all else failed, God's favour flowed effortlessly and abundently.
I don't profess to be like either of these great men of the bible, nor would I really want to be in their position, but in all that I've encountered and witnessed this year, I learnt that when we avail ourselves to God to fulfil his bidding, we open ourselves to be thrown into God's creation hands and life just goes turbulent. It's not just a simple, cheap talk of "Here I am, use me".
It is a tough thing to undergo breaking and humility as we open ourselves to be at God's mercy. However, the moment we profess "Here I am" and God accepts our availing offering, inspite of whatever 'turmoil', 'suffering' and 'pain' that comes at you subsequently, the Favour of God is always found ever more richely and abundently in our lives. I can profess with my testimony that in 2006, I've never received more favour in the eyes of man and from God. All these came upon my life the moment I laid everything aside to heed His instructions and yield my plans to serve His.
I pray that the testimony of my heart speaks to you today because I sense a need for you to understand that the plans of God are perfect and for you, and not to harm you. May you elect to submit like Abraham & Isaiah as you too acknowledge before the Almighty, "Here I am, Lord" and I pray that you too may see how the favour of God would then enter your life, even as He moulds, uses and ordains the steps that you are to take.
blessings,
M.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
