Ephesians 4:26 (NLT)
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
In Max Lucado's book, a love worth giving, he states the following:
"There's also a test for the tongue. Before you speak, ask: Will what I'm about to say help others become stronger? You have the ability, with your words, to make a person stronger. Your words are to their soul what a vitamin is to their body. If you had food and saw someone starving, would you not share it? If you had water and saw someone dying of thirst, would you not give it? Of course you would. Then won't you do the same for their hearts? Your words are food and water! Do not withhold encouragement from the discouraged. Do not keep affirmation from the beaten down! Speak words that make people stronger. Believe in them as God has believed in you."
The truth behind the word of God and what Max Lucado says of our need to affiirm other brings out the conundrum and the wisdom that I need in life to manage the words I say.
It got me thinking of the way which I am to speak to some of the charges under me. Over the past 2 years, I've wrestled with the need to balance between being my usual self or more mellow and affirming when I do follow-up and counseling. It is partly attributed to a mellowing with age which allows me to restrain myself, but I reckon it is also the reality of being more resigned. Afterall, I can possibly only help so much and I often struggle if i should say what is needed or choose to back-off and not say anything more.
Left to my own devices, I'm a fiery, confrontational, irritable and very instructional when I deal with lives. I can't stand to beat around the bush, endure individuals who are uncommitted, whiny, needy or with weak resolution. I rather say things once and let it be, not repeat it again and again. I also prefer to shoot off the mouth and be blunt when talking to idiots, bums or scums.
However, it is hard to have a one size fits all approach and expect everyone to be able to take the hard draconian attitude. Over the past 2 years, as i serve in living springs, I'm hardly in-character because it is not my church, nor am I in charge. Through it, the Lord has brought much changes to how I teach and talk. I can see myself being pulled to see the spectrum opposite of harshness. It is a very out-of-character experience as sometimes I find myself lapsing into a silent, passive, and resigned bystander. Not that it makes me irritable or feel a lot better, but I have learned through various occasions that being too passive and silent often results in one being very stand-off and disengaged from the situation. This would leave the individual and situation unchecked and unresolve, often spiraling into a worst condition than if I chose to confront. But, if I had exacted the in-character draconian style, the end result is likely to also explode into an equally terrible mess.
It is truely a fine balance in how we are to talk to others. Over time, I have come to realisation that the best of intentions we have cannot be better than allowing the spirit of God to guide us in how we are to use the words of our tongue. Too much fiery anger or passive observation is not going to cut it, the fine mix of how much of each element can only be dictated by God. So that that our words and its tonality will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
M.
