Psalms 81:10-12
I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. “But my people would not listen to me; Israel would not submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices.”
These past 2 months have been spent going to the airport to send off many of my RA's. It's an inevitable thing as they reach adulthood and either pursue their education or careers overseas. For one thing, I'm really a believer that they should go overseas to live it out, see the world and be independent. Rather than stay back home in the safety and kiasu environment that I believe does not benefit them.
But it does brings up a tinge of envy because I always wanted to be overseas to study or work, but never got the go ahead. So here I am, wallowing in envy, stuck back home and sending others off.
However, as I stoically stand and witness their respective departure, a part of me cries out for them to be safe and be covered from any conceivable sin and corruption. The world outside of home is fraught with distractions and possible harm. Afterall, they are old enough to make adult decisions and left alone in a foreign land, I'm concern that I'll lose them should they mix with wrong friends or be tempted to partake in a sinful lifestyle.
Such is the irony of my emotions as I stand at the airport. Having seen through the life of my ranger kids and being a strong advocate for them to go overseas to gain experiences that would stretch them, yet wondering about the consequences of this act because of the fear for the potential loss of a soul. I can only hope for the best and cover them in prayers.
As I shared with the Choo missionary family during my dinner with them in Hong Kong, I had a moment of revelation that even though I was unhappy with the fact that I was unable to pursue my overseas aspirations, I am now glad that God did not give in to my stubborn heart and let me go as I wanted. I now know that if I did not submit to His will and He allowed me to do as I desired, I would have never gain the blessing of seeing many of my rangers grow up and to be able to send them off with a blessing. I'm almost sure, if I had gone off in my own will, I won't even be found in the house of God.
Therefore, 16 years later, even with a little tinge of envy, I can testify that the plans of God for me are truly better than what I desired.
M.
